I was taking an anti-depressant in hopes of getting my life back and to help me function. The depression was sucking the motivation out of my life and at the time, all I knew to do was trust my psych nurse and go to the counselor week after week.
My medical care team knew that I had extreme anxiety and also depression, but unfortunately they had not asked enough questions and completely missed the diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
Prescribe the wrong anti-depressant to a person with bipolar disorder and you most certainly doom them to a very bad situation which will land you in the mental hospital.
That was a super embarrassing day that I do not like to talk about.
Truth is, I should have been hospitalized 10 years prior when I had another very severe manic episode with full-on psychosis.
I exhibited bipolar disorder symptoms since high school but because I was mis-educated about bipolar disorder and because my medical team didn’t ask enough questions, the wrong meds led me into the arms of a straight-jacket.
When I was well enough to go home, I began to seek out management. Was there a way to lessen the ups and downs? I wanted to lead a close to normal life and leave less chaos in my wake. My boys and my husband were suffering due to my instability.
At that juncture, because the only hope I was given was to manage my life with this illness. I pulled all of the low cost resources I could find towards me. I read and I did more counseling and I got really good at surviving and functioning. And also hiding my illnesses from those around me. There is a bit of a stigma around bipolar disorder especially in ministry circles.
All along, I knew in my heart that it was possible to heal completely but I had no idea how to get there. AND this hope was NOT validated in doctor offices or from my pastors or with my counselor or in ANY of the books I read.
Every time I expressed the desire to live life without medication or to walk in complete healing, I was told it was not possible.
I had to come to a decision- do I believe God who says no one is beyond healing? Or do I believe my doctor that says I am doomed for the rest of my life?
I believed God and went on a long journey to gain godly wisdom for exactly what to do to heal from each and every mental health issue I was faced with.
I am thankful for the character I had to develop going the long way round…but…
I do not wish on anyone else to waste their years searching and fighting and pushing against all odds. My story is one in a million. Truly. And I am thankful.
I now understand what it means to live in freedom.
It is my privilege and honor every time I get to share my testimony on shows or podcasts and I pray it gives you hope that no matter how long it has been for you or how deep it has been for you or what combination of depression, anxiety, bipolar and add physical woes in there like not sleeping well and migraines and all the rest. If healing is possible for me, it is possible for you!
Enough about me. I want to hear your story. Are you dealing with bipolar disorder? Does it run in your family? Do you believe it is possible to heal or have you given up completely?
Feel free to comment below and let me know!
Or if that may be too personal…feel free to use the “send me a message” box.